It's All Gonna Burn!

on Sunday, September 13, 2009

Kate & I were sitting in the living room talking, commenting on how much noise there is in the neighborhood since the college kids moved back into town, when we heard a guy a little too close for comfort yelling, "It's all gonna burn!" We both stood up when we realized that the dude was in my yard, we got to the kitchen when we realized that he was mounting the steps to the back door. Kate got behind me as he started pounding on the screen door, the main door was open, since it was a nice night and I went to close and lock it when dude opened the screen door and started to come into my house! I headed him off and asked him what his problem was.

"It's all gonna fuckin' burn," he repeated as he pointed vaguely in the direction of my yard, or the alley, or the garage -- it was hard to tell. I looked out to make sure nothing was on fire.

"Why don't you just get out of here?" I suggested.

"It's gonna burn, it's all gonna burn!"

"Well, let's not burn it tonight, okay?"

He started mumbling something else, so I added, "This is my home and you're not welcome, get out of here now because I'm calling 911."

I closed and double-locked the door and went back to the living room to find Kate standing there with my iPhone ready to call. I dialed 911 and calmly told them what had happened, what the guy looked like (he was way over 30 and definitely not a college kid), and asked them to send a prowler around the neighborhood.

Like after a car accident I was able to replay every second in my mind and freaked out about it. Fucker tried to get INTO MY HOUSE!!! I've never had anything like that happen before!

Here's my theory: he was actually a concerned citizen -- concerned about the fact that we have a lot of dry wood piled up next to the garage from when we trimmed some dead branches off the black walnut tree in the backyard this spring. He was worried that if it somehow caught fire it would take the garage with it. So, yes, it would all burn. Unfortunately, he wasn't very tactful at voicing his concern.

And that's the plan after all, it is all gonna burn, but we're going to do it in a controlled series of small burns in the fire pit this fall.



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